The Lizard King was once an ordinary goof-ball called James Douglas Morrison who one day was grooving round Groovy-Town California when he met a magic man from a cool wild and sexy secret underground sex drugs and CIA cult, run by the Vampire-Freemasons.
Jim Morrison’s Earthly adventures are well known to most people, but what are less unknown are his continuing adventures after death and the design purpose behind Morrison’s stunning beard. It is a widely hinted at, but largely open secret, that Morrison was in fact, part reptilian and later in life, used his shape-shifting abilities to transform himself into a fat man with a stunning beard.
Stunning beard design
Morrison had planned the beard’s design months before transformation: the purpose of the beard was to act as a sponge and absorb the excess whisky which frequently sloshed into Morrison’s face. The beard whisky could then be slowly absorbed into Morrison’s head, assuring that Jim would always be correctly ethylated. Morrison had escaped to Paris by accessing the Hollow-Earth underground tunnel accessible from Mammoth Cave National Park in Central Kentucky, emerging from the secret Paris entrance to the tunnel network in the Pere Lachaise cemetery, accessible by delicately touching a secret phallus found on Oscar Wilde’s tomb to reveal a deep stairwell into the main continental tunnel.
Voodoo Jazz sessions
Later Morrison became a permanent resident of that peaceful garden of death, teaching Chopin how to play voodoo Jazz piano and shrieking into the night with Edif Piaf. Jim Morrison is still very active as an Earthbound pop-ghost, but he mostly haunts bottles of Jack Daniels: perpetually tormented as his ghostly form swishes itself into the fiery golden liquid, but is unable to taste it. In his desperation for a drink Morrison haunted a Scottish distillery, specifically a copper-still, hoping that the spirit would somehow merge with his. It proved an ineffective experiment and to this day Morrison haunts all the corners of the Earth looking for someone who can give him a drink.
Drunk rutting-pig adventures
It is said that he came closest when a Siberian Shaman temporarily allowed his spirit to possess the body of a pig which had been specially force-fed whisky and beer for the occasion. Morrison was reportedly happy with the experience of being a drunk-pig but was apparently disturbed by the wild-sexual libido of the rutting drunk animal which left Morrison’s ghost severely shaken and provoked a road to Damascus transformation in Morrison’s ghostly soul which from that day on, he would keep his mind off erotic thoughts. Morrison reportedly commented that he was surprised that such a small animal could be so randy and Morrison realised that his countless thousands of Earthly sexual adventures had all been rather tame in comparison with being a pig for six hours.
Drug overdose party
Despite being out of range of the US mind-control transmission towers, Morrison was within the range of his own inner-idiot and opened the secret door to the 27 Club by having a drug-overdose party and dying, then his still drunk and high dead body was taken to his Paris flat and put in a bath-tub to make it look like he died wanking.
But he fucking rocked!