Act 3 Scene 1
Crew and Steve emerge from their Brick Lane council flat in a cloud of cannabis smoke which billows out after them.
Crew: Droopy eyed and stumbling Man! I am so high right now. This is like when I flew back from Amsterdam
Steve: And you didn’t even take the plane.
Crew: laughs Haha. Yeah. Man I was HIGHER than that plane.
Steve: stretches I am cleared for take-off.
Crew: Cruising at 30,000 feet.
Steve: What’s the in-flight movie?
Crew: closes his eyes Er. I think it’s Charlie Chaplin. What about you?
Steve: closes his eyes as well Moving colours blobs.
Crew: I haven’t seen that movie.
Steve: Eyes still closed It’s pretty entertaining. Like being inside a lava lamp.
Steve: Where we going?
Crew: Let’s just have a wander about. Head towards the city I reckon. Takes sunglasses out of pocket and puts them on Dark glasses deployed.
Steve: Also puts on sunglasses Roger that.
Crew: Let’s taxi out of here.
Crew and Steve move out of their estate and enter Brick Lane. As soon as they do they are completely astonished by what they see.
Steve: Holy peat smoke Batman! Can you see them?
Crew: Wide eyed. Uhuh!
As they look down Brick Lane they see the usual toers and froers of students looking for a cheap curry, drinkers looking for an expensive beer, and the local Pakistani community going about their daily shopping. But there is something else which is most unusual.
Steve: What are they?
Crew: I’ve got a terrible feeling this may be connected to what we saw in our flat.
As they look they notice that as well as the busy people engaged in their various activities, there are also some other things seemingly busily engaged in some activity. They see darkened shapes, semi transparent, like a fog, but moving busily and seemingly engaged with the people, close to them and often apparently moving between them.
Steve: How shall we play this?
Crew: Casual. Take it easy. Let’s harvest data but let’s do it slowly and gradually. Gentle observation. No need to shake the tree if you only want one apple.
Crew: Take a look over there at that bloke. That’s weird.
Steve: He seems to be surrounded with those dark shadow. There’s loads of them. You can hardly see him.
Crew: Come with me Steve. Just keep your eyes open and see what happens.
They cross the road and approach the man who seems to be in a sea of dark shadow.
Steve: Alright mate. You ain’t gotta light ‘ave ya?
The man turns to Steve.
Man: Eh? The man appears distracted as if he can’t hear.
Steve: A light for my fag?
Man: Suddenly enraged Who you calling a fag y’cunt.
Steve: hurriedly holds up his cigarette in explanation No No, a light for my cigarette.
Man: No, piss off.
Steve: I’m out of here buddy. No problem.
Man: If I see y’again you’re dead.
Steve and Crew hurriedly cross the street.
Crew: What a loony.
Steve: But he was surrounded by those dark shadows. He seemed to mishear when I spoke to him. In fact he didn’t hear me at all when I first spoke to him. Like he was literally enveloped by those beings.
Steve: quoting Now we see through a glass, darkly.
Steve: It’s from the Bible.
Crew: The Bible?
Steve: I’m a Christian after-all.
Crew: Since when?
Steve: Since now. These shadowy dark demon things give me the runny tummy shits. I want some backup if I’m gonna get mixed up in stuff like this.
Crew: You’re gonna start quoting the Bible at me now just because we run into some minor metaphysics.
Steve: I don’t call that nutter ‘minor metaphysics’. He was 6 foot of solid dangerous old school Newtonian Force equals mass times acceleration. That’s physics in action right there! As in the Force of that fist Mass as it Accelerates down on you and squashes your hooter. We’re in dangerous territory now. These shadowy beings seem to have a negative effect somehow on the people they’re with. That guy was in a cloud of them and he wasn’t quite a happy cheerful sunbeam. Something’s afoot here and it might just be that the only people who can help with this stuff lived thousands of years ago and wrote books like the Bible.
Crew: And the Koran. Don’t forget the Koran, they talk about the Djin. Those ‘hidden from sight’.
Steve: How do you know about Djinn?
Crew: Well, I’m interested in aliens.
Crew: Well sometimes, there’s a bit of a crossover. Maybe aliens are demons and demons are aliens. Noone really knows. Except something’s going on.
Steve: waving his arm at the shadowy figures in the street and raising his voice in mild panic Well yeah, I’m getting that.
As Steve waves his arm some of the shadowy figures peel their attention from the people they’re with and start to converge on the other side of the road and seem to be taking notice of Steve.
Crew: You’ve done it now. I thought were playing this casual. Ok let’s roll out of here, quietly calmly and above all CASUALLY!
Steve: casually You got it. I’m gonna be so casual you’d think I was wearing blue jeans with turnups a navy blue polo neck and brown hush-puppies with grey socks.
Crew: speaking quietly so as not to attract any more attention as they move away : the Djin it is believed were commanded by Solomon to build help him build his legendary Temple.
Steve: His legendary Temple eh?
Crew: Using words of power he was able to command the Djin and protect himself from them. The Testament of Solomon is one of the books of apocrypha which details the Djin’s relationship to humanity. These beings could suck out your life but Solomon was given a magic ring to allow him to master the Djins. The head demon who helped him build his temple was none other than Beelzebub himself.
Crew: In Islam there are different types of Djin. The bad Djin are called Iblis, or demons and they attempt any way they can to torment and lead humanity astray. According to the Koran they are powerless except in their power of suggestion, to whisper evil ideas into people’s minds. Quoting “We made the evil ones friends only to those without faith.”
Steve: Don’t tell me you’re quoting the Koran now?
Crew: Aliens and demons. That’s what I’m into.
Steve: Let’s roll quietly. Not a word until we get out of here. If anything ‘weirder’ starts to happens run away.
They manage to walk away and the shadowy figures appear to lose interest in them. They walk out of Brick Lane and head into the old city of London.
Crew: Phew that was a close one eh. I didn’t like that very much. Whatever you do, pretend you don’t see them.
They head past Aldgate and into the old financial district of London. Ahead of them, the street appears to be shrouded in a grey mist.
Steve: Is this real? What is that mist, is it a fog? There’s no fog here, how can there be a patch of fog just ahead when it’s a clear sunny day just here.
Crew: What do we do? Go ahead or turn back.
Steve: Well, we’ve bitten into this apple. Can’t throw it away uneaten, it’d be a waste.
Crew: Thread Needle street. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.
Crew: You’re getting there.
From out of the fog emerge the daily finance workers who make this part of London their temporary home.
Steve: Dude I can’t see anything, I’m lowering the shades. I’m almost blind in this fog.
From out of the fog the workers seem to pour upon the street and Steve and Crew, who seem to be going against the current, have to repeatedly dodge and step aside to avoid being knocked about by the sour faced scurrying workers of every shape and size.
Steve: quietly Look at their faces, they seem so miserable.
Crew: The fog, it’s not a fog, there are faces in it.
As Crew speaks people seem to pour out of the fog and directly into Crew’s path. A women emerges with a furious expression on her face and shoves Crew:
Finance exec: Shut up. Shut up and die.
As she pushes Crew is unbalanced and is sent falling into the road, from out of the mist a double decker bus comes speeding just as Crew stumbles out into the street. Rapidly Steve lunges for him and brings him down just as the bus roars past which would no doubt have killed Crew instantly.
Crew: What the hell was that?
Steve: The number 8 to Liverpool street.
Crew: Jesus, I was nearly killed. That woman tried to kill me.
As Steve and Crew scramble on the ground more figures emerge from the mist, as they walk past they make a point of kicking hard at Steve and Crew who are getting bruised and battered and are having trouble orienting themselves. Gradually a circle starts to form around the two men made up of angry men and women with murder and hatred in their eyes. Arms are outstretched and are grabbing at them.
Old Man in pinstriped suit. Beating Crew with his umbrella Unworthy! Profane! die die!
Woman with glasses. Stamping with her high heels Hissing You have no business here. You’ve seen too much.
Young office worker: You know the secret and now you must die!
Steve: panicked I’m still feeling pretty high Crew, but it occurs to me that I we could very well get killed by these maniacs.
Crew: Death by office suit. Not exactly what one would have predicted. I always thought it’d be lung cancer or something comparatively benign.
Steve: This won’t do at all Crew. We’ve got to do something.
Suddenly the mist breaks and the workers scurry away screaming in terror.
Crew: Look the fog is clearing, and they’re running away terrified. What could it be that scared them so much do you think? That IS weird.
Steve: Dude it’s already weird and it only got weirder. We’re in need of a whole new lexicon to handle the events of today.
As Crew and Steve slowly stand up and assess their wounds someone approaches them and the fog breaks as they pass.
Steve: Whatever it is, here it comes,
Girl: Hello there, I’m Cecilia, Cecilia Green. I saw you guys on the floor. What was all that about? Are you two drunk?
Steve: It’s a bit more complicated than that.
Crew: But only a bit.
Act 3 scene 2
One of those ubiquitous pretentious London bars which pretend exclusivity but which ultimately lack the social cache of a McDonalds. The guarantee of eventual failure is that the bar doesn’t even really know whether it is a pub, a cafe or a restaurant and a result it is doomed to be neither.
John Hampton sitting with a lady he had coaxed into drinking a coffee with him notices a friend as he stares distractedly out of the window wondering if this girl isn’t just a little too tiresome to bother with.
John knocking on the window as James Snippet passes by. John signals that he should come in. James enters and John rises to meet him at the entrance way.
James: Quietly checking they are not overheard Brother! What a surprise!
John: Where are you going?
James: A meeting of the Knights was called. Didn’t you know?
John: curiouslyOh? First I’ve heard. Are you quite sure?
James: I was contacted personally.
John: SurprisedWere you? This is a bit irregular.
James:They said it was a general meeting
John: confidentiallyBetween you and me, I wouldn’t bother if I were you. I think there’s been a mix up, there’s no meeting scheduled this afternoon, and even if you miss one, it won’t hurt, no one will notice.
James: Oh no, I absolutely must go, I am going to be conferred a very special honour.
John: Raises an eyebrow Give it a miss old boy, let’s get a bottle of champagne, someone playing a trick on you.
James: I don’t think so.
John: jocularly It’s something they do to junior members. They’re going to make a fool of you. If you don’t go they’ll assume you were wise to them and they won’t try it again. Honestly, I’m an old hand. I shouldn’t be telling you this but you’re alright, I don’t want to see you made a fool of like the others. I admire your enthusiasm, no need to see it soured in my book. CheerilyCome on old boy, the Tattinger’s on me.
James: Eyes narrowingAhh, I think I understand it now. You’re part of it. Laughs You’re trying to lead me astray. I’ve been given a noble and sacred assignation and you’ve been sent here to watch for me to try to distract me with champagne, when I have a mission with the knights! Ha! They told me to watch for infidels.
John: suddenly becoming serious No, no, that’s not it all. Don’t be daft. There’s no meeting tonight, you shouldn’t go. There’s something I have to tell….
James: hurrying away into the street Nice try. But I’m not listening. See you later.
John comes out of the road but there is no sign of James except a lone black cab speeding away.
John: sadly to himself No you won’t.
Act 3 Scene 3
Steve: She was a nice little girl wasn’t she? Don’t get many like that any more. They’re all mobiles phones and bad attitude these days.
Crew: Yeah. Weird.Like she saved us or something. I don’t know what that was about. Maybe we’re just psychotic Steve. Had you thought of that? Too much weed, we’ve caught schizophrenia just like the Daily Mail said we would.
Steve: Well I don’t feel very schizophrenic. I feel alright. Schizophrenia supposed to be quite uncomfortable. I’m still high. I reckon it’s time to reload bro.
Crew: I’m own it. Whips out four spliffs Two each. In for a penny in for a pound.
Steve and Crew now free of hostility are merrily smoking their joints down Thread Needle street which is now free of fog and is basking in pleasant sunshine, and they make their way towards St Paul’s Cathedral.
Crew: Look down at the floor Steve. What can you see?
Steve: Sort of lines radiating from a central point. What is it?
Crew: It’s a sun symbol Steve. This is a ritualistically significant part of London. This the top of Ludgate Hill, the highest point in the old City of London. There was a druid temple here until the 6th century dedicated to Herne the hunter. The name ‘Herne’ referring to his ‘horns’. The old pre-Christian druids would celebrate here in Ludgate Hill. Here the horned God was venerated, a God who was venerated all over the ancient world by the Minoans, the Canaanites and the Carthaginians.
Steve: How do you know all this stuff?
Crew: There was a history programme on telly while I was tripping. The info is locked in.
Crew: His festivities concluded with the sacrificial burning alive of infants, in Carthage he was known as Baal Haamon, lord of the two horns. To the Minoans he was ‘the Minotaur’. To the Caananites he was Moloch. To the Greeks he was Kronos, to the Romans he was called Saturn. And to us, he is called Satan. The horned one.
Steve: Satan, I’ve heard of him.
Drifting from Paternoster square Crew and Steve find themselves outside the Errol Lynch Mob financial management offices. Crew looks up and reads a large Errol Lynch Mob billboard.
Crew: reading Taking the ‘Bull by the Horns’. Look over there, into courtyard, their corporate logo. A bull!
Crew: When’s your birthday?
Steve: 24th April.
Crew: Mine’s 9th of May. Mutters Taking the ‘Bull by the horns’.
Crew: Come on mate, you’re playing catch up. You’ve got five seconds to figure it out before I blast out of here in a paranoid huff and leave you to it. I can’t handle it. Listen very carefully, we appear to be caught in a ritual of some kind.
Steve: Er….Taurus the bull? Is that what you’re getting at? And all that stuff about horned Gods and the devil.
Crew: Dude, I’m not getting at it, it’s there in front of us. Taking the bull by the horns. It’s a message.
Steve: uncertainly I don’t know mate, Is it?
At that moment as they stand outside Errol Lynch Mob high finance bandits head quarters three suited business men who were walking ahead of them suddenly spin around and address Crew and Steve directly.
Three suited business men: in unisonJoin us!
Steve: Looks at Crew Dafuck?
Crew: starts backing awayHive mind. Something knows we’re here and is trying to communicate with us.
Steve: Shall we talk to them?
Crew: I’m scared.
Steve: Not me I’m a Christian remember.
Crew: Well, the only thing to fear is fear itself I suppose.
Steve: Did Jesus say that?
Crew: No, Roosevelt. You’re some Christian.
Steve: I don’t see any of those dark figures lurking about.
Crew: Is that a good thing?
Steve: Dunno, it might be.
Steve and Crew go ahead and approach the three suited business men.
The three men are standing in a triangle with two men in front and the taller man standing behind.
The word of God: Welcome to the Temple I am the Oracle, the word of God. Your eyes have been cleaned and now you can see what has been hidden from you. This pillar is my witness Boaz indicating the man on his right, he is my strength andthis pillar is Jachin, he is a witness for God who is present with us in the Temple. Before you enter the Holy place
The two men, Boaz and Jachin advance in unison towards Steve and Crew and stand just before them.
The word of God: In order to enter into the holy place and the presence of God you must pass between my two witnesses and be tested for purity.
Steve and Crew in unison: Purity?
The word of God: Only the pure blood will be admitted into the Holy of Holies. You must wait until the appointed time and the table of the Lord before being admitted.
Crew: What is all this about? Who are you?
The word of God: I am he that is and these are my witnesses.
Jachin: He is the word of God.
Crew: What a load of bollocks. He’s got a shirt and tie on, I’ve never seen pictures of God with a shirt and tie on.
The word of God: I am he that is. My coverings are irrelevant to what I really am.
Steve: joining in the scoffing What about that pen in your pocket? Why does God need a biro? And you’ve got a food stain on your tie, I can see it, looks like something fell out of your sandwich. Look! Steve points his finger under The Word of God’s chin, he looks down upon which Steve flicks his hand up catching The Word of God on the nose.
Crew: Ha! I can’t believe he fell for that one. Word of God indeed! Fummery!
Steve: taunting in an animated childish sing song Made you look you dirty duck stuck your head in cow-muck!
Boaz and Jachin now close in upon Steve and Crew Boaz forcefully grasps them both by the wrists in a painful grip.
Boaz: I am the strength of God. Now you will be purified and you will flow into your lord like the red juice of the sacred pomegranate.
Steve and Crew: as they are sharply and painfully manhandled Ooof.
Steve and Crew are marched to a nearby church tower which opens mysteriously as they approach it. More mysteriously, a small crowd of people converge on the church tower blocking the view of Steve and Crew’s struggling and crying out.
The Word of God: Look above you errant bulls, he indicates the front of the Tower they are being led into Observe that you are being led into the very mouth of God himself. See his watchful eyes which never blink indicating the two windows behind which there is a sudden movement and his mouth which waits to take you into himself and to strengthen and sustain his glory.
An elderly grey haired gentlemen opens his briefcase and hands Boaz a ceremonial knife.
Two members of the crowd hold Steve and Crew by their necks while Boaz makes to cut their throats.
Jachin: By death you will be purified and so shall you purify the Temple of our God with your blood. You will soon enter into the inner sanctum of God by the power of your blood and you will dwell with God in his majesty.
Crew: Woah woah, what is all this? I only went out for a stroll around the city and I’m about to get sacrificed by a bunch of secret office nutters.
Steve: Tell me about it Crew. I don’t mind admitting that next time we decide to get high we’ll just stay in and watch a dvd or something. Fuck this shit!
Suddenly as Boaz is about to strike with the knife there is a cry from behind.
Cecilia Green: approaching filming the whole scene with her mobile phone what’s going on? Is this some form of flashmob?
Some of the accomplices see the mobile phone and make an attempt to snatch it away from her but are unable to approach her.
Woman in the crowd: Get that phone!
Man in suit: I can’t get near her, she’s too bright.
As Cecilia comes forward to Steve and Crew the horde scatter before her screaming and shrieking with thwarted rage. Some make futile snatches at her and the phone she is holding but their grasps fall way short.
With a threatrical suddenness the knife disappears back into the briefcase along with the elderly gentlemen himself who also theatrically vanishes. Quickly the crowd seem to come back to their senses and return to their various places of work. Boaz, Jachin and the word of God take one look at Cecilia.
Boaz quickly takes out a darning needle from his inside pocket and quickly makes a wound on both Steve and Crew’s foreheads.
The Word of God: Now you belong to me. You are marked for death. Expect it.
The three men then vanish behind the tower and along with the rest of the crowd they submerge back into the facelessness of the London workers.
Crew: I don’t know how you do it young lady but you seem to have saved our lives again.
Cecilia Green: I followed you. I wanted to see what you got up to. You looked funny rolling around on the street so I thought maybe you’d do something else funny and I could put it on you tube. It wasn’t that funny this time though, but it was weird, what was it all about? Why did that man say he was going to kill you.
Steve: I honestly don’t know. But we were about to get our throats cut when you broke up the party. I think it’s what happens when you talk to strangers round here. It’s a weird place.
Cecilia: Welcome to London. Nobody talks to strangers here, serves you right for breaking the golden rule.
Crew: Thanks for your sympathy.
Cecilia: I saved your life apparently, haven’t I done enough?
Crew: Clearly we have seen a hidden reality, we have been backstage behind the curtain and we very nearly didn’t live to tell the tale.
Cecilia Green: Well I think you’d both better go home and keep out of trouble and stop doing whatever it is that makes office workers want to kill you. I’ve got to go home now and I won’t be able to save you next time.
Steve: I find all this highly strange. How come you’re hanging around the city of London on a weekday, shouldn’t you be at school young lady?
Cecilia: Lucky for you I’m not.
Steve: Are you twagging it?
Cecilia: I’m between schools. I’ve been accepted to join the Virgin Woods drama academy for cute and attractive children and I’m going to be a star of some kind or other no doubt.
Steve: A star? Like all those hectic messed up drug celebrities who came out of that place.
Cecilia: You’re one to lecture me on drugs, look at the mischief you two stoners have got into.
Steve: This doesn’t usually happen. It’s this weird newstuff we’ve just got. Maybe it’s too strong or something and has a weird effect on us.
Cecilia: Perhaps, but why would it have any effect on other people?
Steve: Dunno, we’re clearly out of our depth here. We’re going to need some expert advice on this one. Takes out his mobile phone and makes a call.Hey Doc, looks like you were right, we need you, can you get back round to us tonight some time? Uhuh. Yeah. Ok great, see you later.
Cecilia: Where do you ninnies live?
Crew: Cecilia, we’re not ninnies we’re just being persecuted by evil forces.
Cecilia: Sorry, it was easy mistake to make. So where do you live?
Crew: Why, do you wanna date?
Cecilia: Don’t be a paedo! I’m 14 years old. I’m gonna make sure you get home safely without pissing anyone else off.
Crew: It’s dark forces Cecilia. You saw yourself. That guy had an ornate ceremonial dagger, it’s a cult of some kind.
Cecilia: Well whatever it is I’ll check the video later. Still not sure you two aren’t a pair of stray schizos though.
Steve: We live just off Brick Lane Cecilia.
Cecilia: Good it’s on my way. I’m in Stepney, let’s get out of here.
Act 3 Scene 4
Later that day at the London headquarters of the Knights of the Sacred Trousers.
James Snippet walks into the main chamber of The London headquarters of the Knights of the Sacred Trousers.
Steve and Crew brought by the business men and hypnotised.
James Snippet approaches the entrance and is greeted by Mr Hands.
Mr Hands: Welcome Brother James. So glad you received the instruction. Come along, we are all assembled.
James Snippet lead forward by Mr Hands, as they enter the building the door noiselessly closes behind them.
James Snippet looking around Am I early?
Mr Hands. Not at all.
James Snippet self consciously There’s no one else around. It’s pretty spooky, the whole building seems deserted.
Mr Hands: Indeed it isn’t. We’re having a special meeting, not in the main hall but in a special room we have for these most solemn and significant occasions. This is your chance Brother to really help us in our work, and as a reward you will be taught all these is to know about fashioning clothing fit for a gentleman.
A hidden door in the wall swings open noiselessly from which the grand master emerges.
Grand Master beaming: Welcome Brother James, we await your presence with utmost alacrity.
James is led downstairs by the Grand Master with Mr Hands following silently behind.
James: I’d never noticed this door before.
Grand Master: It is not designed to be noticed. After a pause. This entrance way dates back to the 2nd world war and was used as a bomb shelter for our members. The walls at this level are decorated with the London Subway tiles for added effect. They got them from the same company in the potteries. They even agreed to one of our little jokes, down there on the left see?
James reading It looks like a subway station ‘Scratch lane branch’. What does that mean?
Grand Master: Oh it’s just a joke, one for the enthusiasts of Kipling’s more obscure works.
James notices a closed door to the left.
James: Where does that door go to?
Grand Master: Well, that door communicates with the real underground railway system. There were some very important people called to meetings over the years and doesn’t always pay to be seen above street level. This just provided a little more security.
They continue to descend and pass through an open door on the way down at which point the character of the descending passageway changes a little.
James: Where are we going?
Grand Master: Bit of a history lesson dear boy. Don’t worry, we’ll get there eventually. Now the fun begins. The Scratch Lane tunnel above is a relatively recent addition to this network , notice those rusted hoops on the wall. It’s a bit macabre but it adds a touch of folklore eh? Stirs the imagination somewhat? You see convicts were chained up here prior to being transported to Australia, all the more ironic consider this was once an old smuggler’s tunnel, it branches off over there and reaches all the way to the Thames following the river Fleet. See indicating a darkened unlit tunnel ahead, but we must continue on our downward journey. Now if you notice the character of the tunnel is becoming all together more rustic. These crumbling stone walls were once at medieval street level these steps are now taking us below the at which the actor Shakespeare’s would havewalked little suspecting he would now be revered as having written the plays he only acted in. See this chamber to the side? James looks around through a stone archway into a deep recess which is full of human bones. Plague pit. Nothing to fear now of course the pestilence has long lost its vigour. Now as we continue just a bit further down and you will notice these pretty shoddy chalk blocks and the thick mortar? Bit of a hotchpotch work really. This is part of the Crypt of the old Greyfriars monastery, of course nobody except us lot know it’s here. In fact you’re about to be let into the brotherhood’s most closely guarded secret. They built their monastery on what was by then already well known holy site. You see, there is doorway in the floor over there. Used to be a secret stone but we replaced it with a far more convenient wooden trap-door.You must descend and you will be on the final step of your journey. Before you go any further let’s sit down and have a drink to refresh ourselves. They perch themselves on a jumble of stone blocks and admire the vaulted roof. Got this rather fine 50 year old Mcallan I keep for occasions like this. Here offers James a drink from his flask.
James: waving his hand I’m fine.
Grand Master: I absolutely insist. This isn’t fire-water, it’s one of the finest and most expensive scotches in the world. James Bond’s favourite apparently, here I’ve got a couple of these clever little telescopic cups, let’s do it properly eh? James takes the cup which is filled with whisky and drinks appreciatively.
Grand Master: Now you took my eye dear boy when you made a noise during our meeting, and you insisted on learning about the hidden secrets of gentlemen’s tailoring, and I promised to teach you, well soon you will know all the secrets of this world which we must scrabble in the dust to discover but soon you will know everything there is to know. Now you’re ready for you final steps with us my dear boy. The trap door opens from below and an eerie chanting is heard. Now we are far below London, so far as to no longer really be in London at all. We are also moving far into the past, we are buried by the ages but we have unearthed the sacred past and we live there still. Under our feet lie the final level upon which our city rests. The Greyfriars discovered the building below and built their entire monastery above it, resting upon its axis. They accessed the lower chamber by means of a swivel stone which could only be moved by the right amount of pressure at the exact point. Thus the room was to all intents a secret known only to those whose purpose it was to know it. After a contemplative pause. Then, the chamber was forgotten again after the monastery’s dissolution by Henry VIII and the final destruction of the buildings in the great fire. For 300 hundred years the earth has protected its mysteries but our chance bomb tunnel revealed this historical network. But there is no chance or mystery in the movements of our great tailor in the sky, it was all preordained that it should be so, the lower level merely waited for us to reach it. Go now. I must remain here. I am not fit to enter the devoilement of the final mystery but Mr Hands will accompany you.
James: looking behind suddenly notices the presence of Mr Hands whom he had forgotten and is slightly surprised.Oh hello. Stand up unsteadily. Phew I don’t feel too good, that whisky really hit me hard, I’m seeing stars.
Mr Hands: Don’t worry, not much longer now, it’ll all be over. Leads him through the trapdoor.
Act 3 Scene 5
Mr Hands and James descend the stone steps into the chamber beneath, the trapdoor noiselessly closes above them. The area is lit by candles, there is the smell of incense and cigar smoke. At one end of the chamber there is a naked woman with the head of a goat standing behind a stone slab altar, at the sides of the chamber, lined up, are figures wearing grey robes. Their faces can just be discerned under their cowls and the presence of a famous rock n’roll singer, a television personality, a member of the royal family, diverse bankers and business men and Johnny St Vile smoking a cigar.
Johnny St Vile: Well done lad you made it!Johnny St Vile hands James a white robe. Put this on lad then you’ll be one of us.
James who is quite unsteady on his feet at this point is helped into the white robe by Mr Hands who dons a grey robe.
Mr Hands leads James up the altar, though he can scarcely even walk anymore.
Mr Hands: whispering to James bit tired he old boy? Can’t take your drink. Here, you’d better lie down and make yourself comfortable.
James is then gently raised on the flat alter slab while other hooded men take his arms and legs and quickly tie them to down the edge of the altar.
The naked lady with the goat head then speaks to James, while the assembled chant ave satan.
Baphomet: close your eyes little one, for now you journey begins.
James, scarcely conscious at this stage closes his eyes. A large flint knife is raised by Baphomet who gently cuts James’ throat. James’ eyelids flicker but this is the only outward sign which he makes.
Baphomet murming: Come to me. Come to me.
The blood from James’ neck springs forth from his body and collects in a gulley which circumferences the stone altar.
Act 3 Scene 6
Dimension X. James is alone with the shadowy being.
James: What happened? Where am I?
Demon: You have been sacrificed to me. Now you are mine. Welcome to my world.
James: What? Sacrificed? So that was all a big con, the friendly history tour with the grand master? The nip of scotch….drugged!
Demon: Laughing Consider yourself a snack. You have been duly delivered to me by my agents sniffing appreciatively Tasty human souls….. yum yum!
James: But what have I done to deserve this? I only ever wanted to learn about tailoring, I had no wish to get mixed up in world domination, and being served as a soul food takeaway to someone like er……something like you is not what I had in mind.
Demon : You’re here now, it’s too late. Prepare to die….AGAIN.
James: No I’m not having it. Suddenly the darkness appears to clear and the Demon shrieks. I may look like a silly nobody to you but my mum told me all about you when I was young. I know exactly how to deal with your sort. At that a bright light appears just above James’s head and the Being shrieks and backs away.
James himself dissolves into the bright light and disappears forever. The Being is left growling with thwarted rage which dissolves into sobbing.
Demon: I just can’t seem to keep anything down these days…….
Act 3 Scene7
Baphomet: Now we are ready.
The chanting in the room increases in fervour as the surface of the blood puddle starts to ripple and move. Shapes are seen to be forming the blood, firstly small indistinct forms appear to be raising and falling, until a solid red shape appears from the blood and raises in the middle of the room. A being, formed by blood is standing in the midst of the hooded men.
Johnny St Vile: Master. We are honoured.
Demon: Angry and upset Put that cigar out Vile, how many times have I told you? I can’t stand those bloody things.
Johnny St Vile flicks his cigar into the blood pool where it fizzles and disappears.
Demon: suddenly towering and burning with rage I didn’t tell you to flick into my blood pool. You are on very thin ice my boy! One more slip up Vile and I don’t care how many marathons you’ve run, you’ll be next on the slab for an early lunch. Do you hear me boy?
Johnny St Vile: head bowed with childlike contrition Sorry sir.
Mr Hands: The girl, she too powerful, we’ll need some extra help in harnessing her abilities. She made an appearance in the street today and sent us scattering. We can’t face her directly and how are we going to lure her down here she doesn’t trust me in the least.
Demon: What a hopeless waste of time you people are. You don’t need a servant of the demonic hierarchy, you need a kindergarten teacher to help you with your colouring. And for your information that soul you just gave to me managed to escape. He was poorly vetted, unluckily for you he was full of the holy spirit and it blazed at me on my own turf so now I’m cross AND I’m still hungry and you know how I get when I’m denied a meal.
Mr Hands: suddenly panicking. Er, we had no idea, we thought he was one of ours through and through.
Demonic being: Well he wasn’t, he had a little trick up his sleeve. I’m just going to have to make this a self service meal. The Demon Being reaches out a red hand and signals to one of the hooded figures. Come here my little chicken drumstick against his power the hooded figure is drawn toward the Demon.
Jimmy St.Vile: Eh eh eh! That’s not on! You don’t just comes here and helps yourself. We’ve got a system arranged with the boss down below.
Demonic being: System my red eye! I’ve nearly had enough with the lot of you. There are other brotherhoods out there who guarantee a more filling and more reliable catering service. Now I’m having this one, on the house.
The hooded figure starts wailing and jabbering as he is dragged closer to the demonic being.
Jimmy St.Vile: Don’t forget your stiff upper. Don’t worry you won’t feel a thing. See you on the other side lad.
The Demon bites into the neck of the hooded figure who after a short moment of feeding, is thrown away.
Demon: With a grunt of satisfaction. That’s better. Throwing the robed dead body into a corner Someone put that rubbish in the bin for me. Must keep Britain tidy.
Jimmy St.Vile: Master, if I may burden you with our problems for one moment, The little girl, she’s more powerful than we thought. She disturbed some of our number when they had caught a couple of green looking fishes, fit enough for sacrifice they were. She came upon us and cast us to rout.
Demon: Yes yes, clearly the ‘enemy’ was directing her steps to rescue those couple of green fishes of yours. It’s hardly surprising, that’s precisely why you need to stop her. All the while you think you’re chasing her perhaps she’s coming after you too.
Mr Hands: But how can we snare her? Get her to put her guard down?
Demon: Use your imagination Hands, that’s what you usually do, when you’re not using your dirty little hands. You’ve still got that popstar servant of mine prisoner haven’t you? Your special little girl holds her in great esteem. You only have to lure her in using the popstar. Amateurs!
The Demon retreats back into the blood pool then disappears.